I had been a Christian all my life but started to question things and have doubts a few years back. It's been hard to talk about without feeling wrong and guilty and messed up and maybe lead astray by sin or demons or something. Questioning Christian beliefs and assumptions has seemed to me a taboo thing to do given the way I grew up and many of the people I've spent a lot of time with over the years. So talking about the things I'm going to talk about on this blog feels perhaps like "Coming Out" to me. I may make myself a pariah, but it's time to face it all and just be honest about who I am and what's going on in me.
So here it is: I don't consider myself a Christian any more. I can't fake it or deny it any longer. I can't check my brain at the church door and go in and act like I agree with or believe the Bible. I have some issues with it all and don't find it as perfectly logical as I used to. Or as I was lead to believe it was...
I'm going to hash out some of those those thoughts and feelings in this blog. It's a way for me to get some things off my chest and to wrap my own head around it all. I'm not trying to say I'm right or that I've got it all figured out now. I'm just hitting the spiritual reset button so that I can find some kind of faith or belief system that makes sense to me and suits who I am. I'd love your considerate thoughts and feedback as I walk through this. I am now just a "truth seeker."
There is nothing wrong with questioning. I’ve struggled with doubt for…..ever. At any given time during the day I range from an Atheist to a Missionary in my faith. There is a constant war in my head. This is exhausting. After years of struggling with this, I finally decided to face it head on and started with the basic first question; Is there a God? I started watching debates on YouTube (my favorite is Christopher Hitchens (RIP) vs William Lane Craig) and reading books by both Atheists and Christians to see both sides. This is tricky as many on both sides have blind, ignorant, beliefs, and are dishonest in how they represent the facts. I would encourage you to do the same, which is start at the basic first question: Is there a God? What evidence is there that God exists? What I have found is that the only logical option is that God exists. Now I’m on to the next set of questions. Karen
ReplyDeleteAllow me to tag on and say at some point everyone must navigate such questions. In our culture, if you grow up in church those ideas are generally confronted in college. But at some point those questions must be confronted honestly. For those of us brought up in the church, it boils down to is there a god and is he who He says He is. Allow me to throw this out there, something obvious but at times missed: there are many avenues to finding your solid rock on which to build your house (which is much better found before the storm).
ReplyDeleteNowadays, the way most peoples’ faith seams to be tested is by logic and reason (such as what's up with the ark?) and the logical response to logic is to find your faith through the pathways of logic and reasoning (think apologetics). Answering every question is daunting and difficult, particularly on one's own. A well-known example of taking the logical route to faith (and then using his answers to help others) is Ravi. There are plenty of examples of people who struggled with the logic of the teachings of Christ but who later came to believe (Nicodemus is one).
A second route (non-reasoning) is for direct revelation, such as Jesus appearing in physical form (in addition the Bible has many examples of particularly vivid dreams). Jesus appeared to his followers before his ascension to heaven and still appeared after (the apostle Paul and Bill are notable examples). Such appearances are a blessing (of course!) and a sure sign of tough times to come. Paul is famous for his sufferings in travels, for being persecuted, martyred, and if that wasn't enough his writings are rife with addressing serious problems within and questions from the early churches. Though many may write off Bill's account, we know that he is legit and seriously walks the walk, even through some very trying times. When I think of what a modern Christian should look like, he's tops on my list. He's not superman. He's not all-knowing. And he's not fearless. He's one of us taking his walk one day at a time. I've known you for a while, so I'm pretty sure you don't fit into the direct revelation camp (but I had to throw it in to be thorough).
A third route is experiential. Think of the Israelites wandering in the desert. Every one of them had experienced and witnessed the direct power and presence of God first hand. The question for those in this camp isn't is there a god and who is he, rather it's more direct - do I obey or do I not. It seems pretty straightforward for those looking for a sure sign from God, but even so the Israelites struggled (and at times spectacularly failed) to believe and obey. I'm in this camp. There have been mountains moved in my family over my lifetime. I simply am not in a position to deny the power of Christ (and makes it easier for me when questions arise), but it doesn't make obedience any easier. When I was much younger I thought the Israelites wondering in the desert were the worst bunch of ungrateful people ever. Now that I'm somewhat older and experienced, I understand the difficulty of life and the uncertainties and doubt that come with it. What I now read from Exodus is that real people struggle even in the face of God's grace and revelation and God's grace was sufficient to keep even them (and hopefully me).
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Yet another route is accepting the good news (scripture talks of the Spirit working on the heart) generally in conjunction with the word of a witness(es). It's more like being a judge in court; you are not actually a party to the event in question, but there is evidence presented. Question is do we accept it. The obvious example for us is Bill (again). We know him quite well; do we accept his testimony? There plenty of false teachers in the church (Paul tries to deal with them) and there's very little discipline either (rampant divorce rates in the church as a prime example), also addressed by early church leaders. Little wonder people with questions in the church look around and ask what institution they're in. This was my parents’ route; they stopped going to catholic mass, looked into Eastern philosophy, and were eventually reached by a pastor of a small new church.
ReplyDeleteThere may be other routes (trying to think off the top of my head here) but there is plenty of room to look for truth. The Bereans were well regarded because they didn't jump into a new belief blind. Likewise, none of us are called to an ignorant faith. Keep your hand open, and may the truth set you free.
EW